Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Harry Cleese: Part 6 "Driving Manny Boris"

Cleese gripped the wheel tight as he spun the car to avoid yet another charge from Manny's bike. Cleese wouldn't have thought a Harley would stand much of a chance against Elias' Chariot, but this hog had tusks-- literally. Manny had attached four-foot steel spikes to each side of the frame. Cleese had already narrowly avoided them once and then narrowly avoided the tree they tore down in his place. Every time he heard another squeal of the hog pivoting, Cleese's heart jumped as he sped out of the way.

Kieran's advice seemed so simple; chase manny up the mountain, find some ice, pull him out of the snow when he slips off the road. There was just one problem: Manny Boris didn't like being chased. In fact, he was the one that usually did the chasing. Compared to the Mitsubishi, Manny's hog had the better maneuverability and speed. Cleese just had to hope it didn't have the better traction.

It started to dawn on Cleese that guiding Boris up the mountain was going to be about luring, not herding. Cleese poked his head out the window and taunted Manny. "Boris, you fat pig! You really think you're a part of the ol' Empian family? Why don't you catch me, and I'll show you how a real enforcer acts." The loudest squeal yet could be heard as Manny peeled out after Cleese who had taken off towards the mountain range.

The mountains were the first place Cleese had ever learned to drive. Kieran had firmly believed the mountains were the only place to train a driver. "Go up a mountain and you've got the worst a driver could get," Kieran used to say. "Just in one trip, you've got winding roads, rain, sleet, hail, snow, cliffs and rocks. If you can master that, you've mastered the road." Kieran wouldn't even take young Harry in for his driving test until he could go up and down Mount Cadia thrice in one day without a dent. Cleese could handle a mountain. He had to hope Manny couldn't.

Cleese zig-zagged through the foothills. The twisting roads wouldn't be a problem until the higher altitudes. After getting just out of sight a little bit up the mountain, Cleese turned in to a hidden cave that was just big enough for the Chariot. He used to find shelter in it to avoid hail as a kid. Manny tore past behind him, and Cleese calmly backed out and followed the biker.

By the time Manny realized Cleese was now behind him, they had gotten to the narrow cliff's edge that required every bit of concentration to navigate. Boris had no room to turn around and didn't dare to stop with Cleese right behind him. Cleese wasn't going to run him off the side of a cliff (Manny Boris was wanted alive), but he had to make sure he kept Manny going until they got to the nasty stuff. Just as they pulled back onto more stable ground, it started to sleet.

In the Chariot, Cleese was pretty warm and cozy. On the hog, Manny wasn't. Kieran proved to be right about the ice causing problems. Manny was wobbling on slight curves so he certainly wouldn't try pivoting around in the sleet. Once it cleared up, Manny still couldn't turn around because he was too cold and numb to maneuver properly.

After a few minutes of clear weather, Cleese herded Manny up a dirt path. A few more minutes after that, the path broke into a clearing that was split perfectly into two halves: snow and grass. Cleese took his chance and just tapped the hog with the Chariot. Manny panicked and turned into the snow. Thrown from his bike, Manny landed in the soft thick snow.

Cleese climbed out of the Chariot and approached Manny cautiously. The biker wasn't moving. Cleese gingerly removed the helmet to reveal a plump face with a snout-like nose, mangled teeth that seemed to come straight out, and a thick bristly mohawk on top. Cleese bent down to check his pulse and was so surprised when Manny snorted that he thumped him with his baton.

Cleese drove all night back home with hog-tied Manny struggling in the back of the chariot with his disassembled bike. Cleese went straight to the tire shop where Gene was congratulating himself on finally finding the killing job. Cleese stormed in and pushed the snarling and snorting Manny at his cousin. Frightened, Gene jumped into a stack of tires.

"What are you doing!" Gene stuttered from his hiding spot. "Get that sick fuck out of here."

Cleese smirked and dragged Manny out. "That's one more favor done. I'll be back tomorrow when you will have the next one lined up."

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